Unearthed | 04
Right now, I feel like the saddest, lowest, weakest version of myself and I can’t seem to do anything about it. I’ve been dealing with this crap for eternity and I for one, has become deaf and numb to my own internal vendetta.
I’ve been in the same position for hours now. It seems like a lifetime has passed and I’m still my old cranky, mad-at-the-world-for-nothing self. It’s exhausting. I’m done with the how’s and why’s in my life and I would give anything just to hear myself say that I’m finally emancipated. That I’m free from being held captive of my own demons. That I’m just happy. Period.
If I could walk in anyone else’s shoes for a day, I’d probably say Natalie Portman because she has been my favorite person for as long as I can remember. Or maybe someone from the 90210, Gossip Girl or Hills girls because they know how to live like rockstars. (Plus, I loooove the clothes!) Or Peyton Sawyer because she’s my all-time hero, no questions asked.
But as I look around my dark room to look for possible answers, I had this fleeting, momentary glimpse of my dresser mirror and I see a strange girl looking back. I could almost feel the happiness radiating from her eyes. There was something there, something light and gentle. Like there’s no anger in her heart.
Then I blinked.
I miss that girl. The person who used to be free and without a care in the world is now gone. I don’t know that girl anymore. I just wish she’d come back.
I really wish she would.
Originally written: 29th of November 2009