Journal

Unearthed | 04

Right now, I feel like the saddest, lowest, weakest version of myself and I can’t seem to do anything about it. I’ve been dealing with this crap for eternity and I for one, has become deaf and numb to my own internal vendetta.

I’ve been in the same position for hours now. It seems like a lifetime has passed and I’m still my old cranky, mad-at-the-world-for-nothing self. It’s exhausting. I’m done with the how’s and why’s in my life and I would give anything just to hear myself say that I’m finally emancipated. That I’m free from being held captive of my own demons. That I’m just happy. Period.

If I could walk in anyone else’s shoes for a day, I’d probably say Natalie Portman because she has been my favorite person for as long as I can remember. Or maybe someone from the 90210, Gossip Girl or Hills girls because they know how to live like rockstars. (Plus, I loooove the clothes!) Or Peyton Sawyer because she’s my all-time hero, no questions asked.

But as I look around my dark room to look for possible answers, I had this fleeting, momentary glimpse of my dresser mirror and I see a strange girl looking back. I could almost feel the happiness radiating from her eyes. There was something there, something light and gentle. Like there’s no anger in her heart.

Then I blinked.

I miss that girl. The person who used to be free and without a care in the world is now gone. I don’t know that girl anymore. I just wish she’d come back.

I really wish she would.

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Originally written: 29th of November 2009

2 Comments

  1. Anna

    July 30, 2017 at 5:52 pm

    I know this is from 2009, but I hope you’re okay <3

    1. lovewondergirl_16@yahoo.com

      July 30, 2017 at 5:59 pm

      Hey there Anna! Thanks for stopping by and taking time to read my post. I’m perfectly ok now, thank you so much for asking. Just reposting some old posts and giving them a new home in this blog. Happy reading and writing, lovin’ your blog!

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